Something To Remember
by craycrayforbenson
Summary: Olivia kisses Nick. They start hooking up, they both begin confessing personal things about each other, and realize that their relationship is more than causal sex. Bensaro
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Possible one shot, if you guys want more just tell me. I do have a lot planned for this, so yanno just tell me what you want. Any criticism is better than none so please read and review. Enjoy

**Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns them, not me… unfortunately. **

"I was raped." Tears were in her eyes as she spoke. "I didn't even see him coming, I-" She stuttered, "I was listening to music. He was on me in seconds. I begged him to stop, but he said if I kept screaming he would kill me. So I stopped… I had to listen to each pant and moan he made as he continuously entered me."

"Did you get a look at his face?" Olivia said with sympathetic eyes.

"No. I was too afraid to look at him."

"Okay. A nurse is going to come and do a rape kit. Would you like me to stay?"

"No, I just want to be alone."

"Okay." Olivia said softly. She left the hospital room and joined her partner Nick outside.

"Amy Willis 28. The perp attacked her from behind, she can't give a description, didn't get a look at his face." Olivia said. Fifteen years but it wasn't getting easier. The cases, the victims. Olivia sighed in exasperation, "I'm so sick of this." She said quietly.

"Liv, you're making a bigger difference then you realize." Nick reassured her. He felt the same way, it didn't matter if they collared a hundred rapists, there would always be one more. No matter how many late nights they stayed up trying to put the pieces together, no matter what they did it was never good enough. Olivia and Nick were trying to make good in a world that was just to evil.

"Yeah, I know." Olivia said dryly.

Nick followed Olivia outside of the hospital room and into their squad car. Olivia drove while Nick sat in the passenger seat. They drove in stillness for a while. Olivia knew Nick would say something, she just didn't know what. She didn't want to talk about what happened the other night; Nick and her had come so close to making their partnership something more. Olivia had almost with Elliot, but he never reciprocated. Olivia crossed the line when she kissed him the other night. A soft quick kiss, she held her lips on his for a while and then quickly pulled them back in shock. She mentally scolded herself but her thoughts were interrupted when Nick kissed her back.

"Are we going to talk about it?" Nick said, breaking the silence that filled the air.

"Not here, no." Olivia answered firmly, "You can come over and we'll discuss it then," She paused, "until then we have a case to solve."

The day dragged on, Olivia was thankful for it. She didn't want to have to face Nick and explain her actions. She felt guilty, she betrayed Brian. He didn't deserve that, but who was she kidding she and Brian were wrong from the start. It was a mistake the first time she had sleep with him. Olivia only moved in with him because she felt forced, after what happened with Lewis she knew everyone would feel better if they knew she was going home to someone instead alone.

Olivia finished her paperwork for the day and headed home, thankfully Brian was out of town on business so she wouldn't have to tell him about the kiss between her and Nick. Eventually she would have to confess her indiscretions, but his business trip gave her an extra day or two to figure out exactly how she was going to tell him.

Olivia drove home, taking the long way. As she drove she noticed the relaxing scenery of the city. It was six o'clock, not a lot of cars were out, the streets were quiet, and the sun was just beginning to set. Olivia inhaled and exhaled so appreciative of the moment that stood before her eyes, having come so close to death she learned to love the simplicity that the world had to offer her.

Nick was standing in Olivia's driveway; she pulled her blue Sedan in cautiously, trying her best not to hit her partner.

"Ya gonna move?" Olivia said with a smile, as she playfully honked her horn.

"Yes Olivia I'll move." Nick said with a smirk. Nick walked to front door of her apartment, unlocking it with his spare key.

"That's only for emergencies, not for fun." Olivia said as she followed Nick inside.

"Yeah?" Nick questioned as he played with the key in his hand. Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Wanna drink?" Olivia said as entered her kitchen, opening the cabinet above the refrigerator. She stood on her toes, straining her arms in an attempt to grab the red wine.

"Let me." Nick came from behind and brushed his body past hers, without any difficulties he grabbed the wine bottle. He pulled a corkscrew from her kitchen draw and opened the bottle. Olivia handed him two wine glasses. He filled them liberally.

Olivia took a long sip, savoring the sweet taste.

"So… Are we going to talk about what happened yesterday?"

"Listen, what I did is inexcusable. I'm sorry." She said flatly. Nick came closer to Olivia; she could feel his breath on her face. He looked deep into her eyes, searching to see if she was being sincere.

"Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything I haven't wanted you to do since I first met you." Nick smiled. "Liv, I'm crazy about you." He moved closer to her, their lips nearly touching, "Plus I did kind of kiss you back." Olivia chuckled nervously. She tried to rationalize the situation, but it was impossible. She was standing in her kitchen, so close to kissing the man she cared so much about. She was partially nervous, but the alcohol gave her a buzz, and the buzz gave her the courage to kiss Nick again, for the second time. She held this kiss longer than she had before. Olivia let her tongue fully explore Nick's mouth. She smiled against his lips, he tasted so good. Nick reciprocated, he wanted Olivia so badly. He lifted Olivia up; she wrapped her legs around his waist, trailing kisses along his neck. Nick carried Olivia up to her bedroom, laying her down. He looked her up and down, taking great pleasure in the look of pure desire that filled Olivia's eyes. "You are so beautiful." Nick said as he climbed on the bed, he kissed Olivia passionately. Olivia Benson wasn't thinking sensibly, if she had been she wouldn't have had sex with Nick. She simply would have apologized for her impulsive behavior and called it a day. Or she would have pretended like it never happened, Olivia was good at that. Good at pretending like everything was alright, a habit she had learned from her old partner Elliot Stabler. He was good at throwing low blows; whenever they fought he was quick to bring up how she had no family, no children, and no one to go home to. Something Elliot was fortunate to have; a loving wife and beautiful children, yet he took it all for granted. Olivia hated him for it.

Her thoughts got the best of her and she went from thinking of Elliot, to thinking about Lewis, and the upcoming trial, her last thoughts going to Brian. Just how was she going to explain this? She didn't care, she cuddled Nick and fell into a deep sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay, so I rated this K because I didn't realize that most Rated M fanfics are smutty, and I cannot write smut at all, but I did include a little sex scene, it's not even really a sex scene it's just a little raunchy. I'm glad you guys wanted more though! Please read and review, enjoy xx

**Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns them, not me… we'll not yet at least. **

Olivia awoke to the sound of Nick's light snoring. She was nuzzled in his chest; she smiled at the thought of just how happy she was. She looked over at her alarm clock, it hadn't gone off yet. It was early in the morning, around six. A calm haze of the moon fell over the sky, and the sun was just beginning to rise up and begin its quest to light the earth.

"Hey." Olivia said softly, she kissed Nick on the lips.

"Hi," Nick said with a smile. He rubbed his eyes in an attempt to rid them of the sleepiness that filled them, "You look even more stunning in the morning." Nick kissed her again. Olivia's face beam with happiness from the compliment, "You want me to make breakfast?"

"I'm not a big morning eater." Olivia said honestly.

"Coffee then?"

"Coffee sounds great." Nick grabbed his boxers that had been carelessly thrown on the floor, and put them on. He kissed Olivia once more before heading downstairs to the kitchen. Olivia laid in her bed for some time, her mind filling with memories from last night. Olivia thought Nick would be good in bed, but that was an understatement. He was incredible, for so long she had imagined what it would feel like to have him inside of her, filling her, making her complete. Sex with Brian was okay, meaningless, quick, but sex with Nick was passionate, to Olivia it wasn't just sex, it was deeper. She only hoped that Nick felt the same.

Olivia wrapped her bed sheet around her body as she stood from her bed, she picked up Nick's white work shirt and put it on, it fell down to her knees. She walked downstairs joining Nick and smiled as the strong smell of coffee filled her nose.

"Here," Nick said as he handed Olivia her coffee. "It's black, I hope that's okay."

"Yeah, it's fine." Olivia said, taking a sip. "Last night was…"

"Amazing," Nick said finishing her sentence, "I mean Liv, you really are incredible."

"You're not too bad yourself." Olivia said with a smirk.

Olivia and Nick stood in silence for a while, a comfortable silence. She finished her coffee and headed upstairs to her bedroom, she took a quick shower hoping that the hot water would wash away some of the guilt that crept into her mind. Olivia didn't regret her decision, she deserved to be happy, she was tired of settling for good enough, she deserved the best. That's exactly what Nick was, the best.

As Olivia was just stepping out of the shower her eyes met Nick's.

"Do you mind if I use your toothbrush?" Nick said, as he handed her a towel.

"Sure." Olivia said, accepting the blue towel. Nick was dressed in his clothes from the previous night. "You know, you could have showered if you wanted to. I actually would have enjoyed your company." Olivia peeled her towel off, grabbing a clean pair of underwear and putting them on. She wrapped her towel around her hair and began her search for her bra. She looked at the floor quizzically for some time before Nick interrupted her search.

"Here." Nick said holding out her red bra.

"Thanks." Olivia held out her hand, but Nick pushed it away.

"Let me." His voice was low, he cupped her breast from behind, she instantly became aroused at his touch. Nick played with Olivia's nipples; she titled her head back and moaned. Olivia couldn't understand how he could make her so crazy so quickly. She turned around slamming her lips on Nick's. He kissed her completely, his hands feeling their way all around her body, eventually settling on her ass. He pulled her body into his growing erection. Olivia moaned again. Olivia fell to the ground, and Nick followed her to the floor. He grinded his body against Olivia's and began pulling down her panties. Just as he was about to enter her, Olivia's phone rang.

"Shit." Olivia said, annoyance lancing her voice. She turned her body around and lifted herself up from the floor. Her phone rang loudly, and she looked around briskly in search of her phone.

"Liv." Nick said throwing the ringing phone to her, she smiled catching it. Without looking at the Caller ID she answered the phone.

"Benson." Olivia said firmly. Her heart sank when she heard Brian's voice on the other end of the call.

"Liv, hunny." Brian said sweetly, "Listen my second meeting got canceled, so I should be home sometime tomorrow. Hopefully not too late." Olivia was speechless, she opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. "Liv? Are you there?"

"Brian." Olivia said breathlessly, she hadn't realized she was holding her breath. Nick quickly shot a look at Olivia at the sound of Brian's name. Olivia raised her finger to her lips, softly whispering, "Shush." Olivia picked her bra up from the floor; she held her phone in between her shoulder and bent neck as she struggled to put on her bra. "I'm here." She said reassuringly.

"I've missed you; I can't wait to see you." Brain said warmly, "I've got to go; I just wanted to call and fill you in. I love you."

"Love you too." Olivia said flatly. Brian hung up the phone before she got a chance too. Nick came up to Olivia handing her a work shirt and a pair of black slacks. "I feel like such a shit." Olivia said her voice breaking. "Brian doesn't deserve this." She pushed Nick away from her. "Fuck Nick, you're suppose to be his friend!" Olivia yelled accusingly. She hadn't realized all the damage she had done until now. The events of the past days hadn't really sunk in until she spoke to Brian. His voice was so caring and warm. Olivia hated herself for betraying him, guilt came over her and it wasn't as easy to get rid of like it had been last time.

"Hey, I never liked the guy. He's not right for you," Nick said defensively, "you know that Liv."

"This," Olivia said pointing to herself and then Nick, "will never happen again. I assure you. This was a mistake." She grabbed her slacks and shirt from Nick.

"You keep telling yourself that Olivia. Keep denying yourself happiness. What happened last night was more than just a one night stand, we connected." Olivia felt dizzy at the sound of Nick's confession. Part of her wanted to cry, I guess he did feel the same about her as she did about him.

"Nick, I-" Olivia began, but her words were interrupted as Nick pushed his lips against hers. A soft kiss.

"Let me make you happy." Those five words were enough for Olivia, she got lost in Nick's eyes as his brown eye's searched hers. "I care a lot about you Olivia." Nick said sincerely.

"I care a lot about you too." Olivia said genuinely.

A/N: Like I said before I do have a lot planned for this story, so please read and review.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Please read and review, I love hearing what you guys think, it inspires me and honestly makes me so happy!

**Disclaimer: Dick Wolf still owns them.**

Olivia had Nick leave shortly after, she got dressed and called Cragen requesting the day off. Cragen didn't argue with the detective, since she had been cleared to return to work she hadn't taken a single day off. That worried Cragen, along with the stress of her upcoming trial he understood if she needed a day or two for herself. Olivia sighed, happy to be home alone for once. Her thoughts filling with Nick's last statement before he left, _"I care a lot about you Olivia." _ She smiled at the thought, those blissful memories leaving her mind and filling with thoughts of Brian. Olivia paced back and forth trying to figure out just how she was going to explain her actions to him. She wanted to call him, a surge of guilt filled her and she needed to confess her indiscretions. But after contemplating the ideal for a while, she realized it was something she would have to tell him in person. Olivia heart ached at the thought, she didn't know if she could handle it. But unfortunately, there was no other choice.

Brian smiled as he approached the brick building, it was their home, a home Olivia and him had built together, it had taken so long for her to open up and at times he wanted to just give up, but Brian knew from the beginning that Olivia was the one for him. Alongside him in the car was a bouquet of red roses, the drive home had taken a little longer than he had expected. He was coming home early, he wanted to have enough time to talk to Olivia and then take her out to her favorite restaurant. Nerves rushed through Brian; he was going to propose tonight. Brian had thought long and hard about how he would ask Olivia, at moments he wanted to be extravagant with the proposal but he knew Olivia would like something sweet and simple. Brian had wanted to ask Olivia for some time now, but after talking to her on the phone he felt the uncertainty in her voice, he wanted to show her that she had nothing to be uncertain about, he loved her and he wanted to spend the rest of his life loving her. Brian picked up the ring at an old antique store. A princess-cut diamond was at the center of the ring, twinkling diamonds falling around it. The band was 10k white gold. It was elegant, graceful. He knew Olivia would love it.

Brian had changed from his boring work clothes into a more causal outfit, blue jeans and a black shirt. It was chilly out so he had a light grey cardigan on. Brian took a deep breath in hopes that some of the nerves would leave his body, before knocking on the door. He had the ring in a purple velvet box stuffed in the pocket on his cardigan; he held the roses high covering his face.

"One sec," Olivia said through the door. She unlocked the door, looking questioningly at the man standing before her with a bouquet of red roses hiding his face.

"Surprise!" Brian exclaimed, he moved the roses revealing his identity.

"Brian, I-" Olivia stuttered, "I thought you were coming tomorrow." Olivia said in disbelief.

"Well my meeting got cancelled, and I missed you like crazy." Brian said, handing Olivia the bouquet of roses, he kissed her lightly on the lips. "I already told you that." Brian said letting himself in.

"Yeah, but I thought you were going to come tomorrow night, not today." Olivia said, she tried hard to hide the irritation in her voice, but Brain felt it.

"Liv, what does it matter? I'm here now." Brian grabbed Olivia's hand and pulled her closer, "I want to ask you something," Brian's eyes looked deep into Olivia's, "If I don't say this now, I don't think I ever will." He said with a smile, "Olivia, you make me so happy; you're such a beautiful woman inside and out. I love waking up to you, I love coming home to you, I love being with you." He paused, "You've been through so much and you haven't let your struggles define you, they've helped you to become a better person. You save people every day, you're such an admirable person, you want to change the world and I want to be there right there with you, making a difference. You cry, I cry, you hurt, I hurt." Brian paused, trying the best to find his words. "Olivia, will you make me the luckiest man in the world, and marry me?" Brian pulled the velvet box from his pocket. He opened it revealing the engagement ring, he grabbed Olivia's left hand and slid the ring on.

"It's beautiful." Olivia said a look of complete shock on her face.

"Well…" Brian said expectedly.

Olivia stood in astonishment, her mind was racing, it took her a moment to comprehend what Brian had just asked her.

"I had sex with Nick." The words fell out of Olivia's mouth so easily. She didn't say it rudely, but unemotionally. She couldn't hold the secret inside of her anymore.

Brian moved away from Olivia, a look of rage in his eyes.

"Olivia." Brian said softly, "You fucked Nick?" He ran his fingers through his hair angrily. "You fucked Nick!" Brian yelled, it was no longer a question, but a statement. "I ask you to marry me, and this is what I get?" He let out an exasperated breath, "How long?" He asked, his voice no longer laced with fury, but sadness.

"It happened once… yesterday." Olivia said, she pulled the ring from off her finger, handing Brian back the ring and box. "Brian, the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you." Olivia said, it took all her strength to hold her tears in, "Why should I live my life with someone who doesn't really make me happy? Why should you? You should go out and find someone who will give you everything that I can't. You deserve it." Olivia could no longer fight the tears anymore, "You've been so amazing these past months, but Brian we've been wrong from the start."

"Maybe for you Olivia it meant nothing, but when we first sleep together I couldn't stop thinking about just how lucky I was to have you, even if it was only for a night. I thought we had something, but I was wrong." Brian said, his voice breaking, "Fuck Olivia, I can't believe you would do something so hurtful to me. Keep this." He said handing Olivia back the ring.

"Brian I don't want it." She said through tears.

"Olivia, I want you to keep it so you can remember just how close you were to having everything you never had. I want you to remember that you broke us." Brian turned his back to Olivia, and left slamming the door behind him. His anger, his words left Olivia in tears. She had never felt so low in her life.

A/N: Did you guys see that proposal coming? I thought that would be a nice little thing to add. Next up Olivia and Nick talk, and Cassidy confronts Nick.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update, but I'm still recovering from Mariska and Pablo's amazing performance in Psycho Therapist. I think it's pretty clear that Mariska deserves every award possible.

**Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns them, but one day I will. **

Olivia sat on the floor of her bedroom, her face buried in her hands, she had stopped crying but she couldn't face herself. She felt so ashamed, so pathetic. Brian's last words rang in her mind. His words filled her heart with pain. Olivia should have expected it; she had hurt Brian in so many ways.

Olivia hadn't really looked at the ring until now; she lifted her head from her hands loosening her grip on the ring. She look at it closely, the diamonds sparkled. Olivia let out a small sigh, it really was beautiful. She never suspected that Brian would propose, she didn't think far into the future. After everything with Lewis she realized not every moment was guaranteed, after those four days with Lewis she changed her outlook, she began living for the here and now and she didn't take one moment for granted. Olivia sat in the silence that filled her home for some time before she realized she needed Nick. She needed his comfort, she needed to talk to him, to explain her feelings; that she didn't only care about him, but that she loved him.

The drive to Nick's house was somewhat relaxing; Olivia had called to tell him that she was on her way. Olivia was speeding and it took her about thirty minutes to get there. Olivia walked up to the door and knocked, Nick greeted her with a warm smile.

"Liv," He said soothingly, "Come here." Nick pulled Olivia to him and held her in a long embrace. He kissed her on the forehead and motioned for her to come inside, closing the door behind her. Olivia quickly found the couch and sat down. She took a deep breath before speaking.

"Brian asked me to marry him." Olivia said incredulity; she was still in awe that he had asked her. She couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that Brian genuinely wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

"What?" Nick said back in disbelief. He joined Olivia on the couch, Nick grabbed Olivia's hand; he played with her fingers intertying them with his own. "Liv, talk to me."

"Nick, this isn't easy. I don't like to open myself up to people. I did it once before and he left me." Olivia said blankly, she felt the tears come up and blinked her eyes in an attempt to stop them.

"Who left you?" Nick asked inquisitively.

"Elliot. My old partner. He didn't even say goodbye. Twelve years and you'd think he'd at least give me that." Olivia pulled her hands from Nick's and got up heading to the kitchen. "Do you have anything stronger then wine?" She asked.

"What did you say to Brian?" Nick asked, he followed Olivia into the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniel's from underneath the sink cabinet. "This okay?" Olivia nodded handing Nick a small glass, he filled the cup generously.

"What do you think?" Olivia took a long sip. She wasn't a big drinker and the alcohol burned as it slid down her throat. She immediately felt the effects of the alcohol as it ran through her blood. "I said no."

"Did you tell him about us?" Nick inquired. Olivia took another sip of her drink.

"Yes." Olivia said as the strong smell of whisky fell off her breath.

"What did he say?"

"He couldn't believe it." Olivia finished off the glass of whiskey and made her way upstairs to Nick's bedroom. Nick followed Olivia upstairs, the bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. He knew Olivia needed comfort and if she found solace in a bottle of whiskey, he wasn't going to stop her.

"Did you love him?" Nick asked through the opened bedroom door. He hadn't yet entered himself completely into the room. It took Olivia a moment to respond and Nick prayed that her answer would be no.

"Yes." Olivia said a tone of hurt in her voice, "I loved him." She got up from the bed and walked toward Nick grabbing the bottle of alcohol he held in his hands. Olivia took another big sip, drinking as much as she could as quickly as she could. Her throat burned, and even though she would have enjoyed drinking until she was unconscious, she couldn't hold out much longer. She swallowed one more long sip and handed the bottle back to Nick.

"Did you ever sleep with him?" Nick asked. Nick had only been Olivia's partner for three years and they had already had sex. He wondered how long she held out before she slept with Elliot.

"He had a wife and kids." Olivia trailed off. "Part of me new nothing would ever happen, but I held onto this false sense of hope that maybe one day he would realize just how madly in love I was with him."

"I'm sorry he hurt you Olivia." Nick lightly kissed Olivia on the lips. He pulled her into him; Olivia buried her head into his chest. She silently cried. "I know what it feels like to love someone and have them not love you back." Nick felt himself open up, "I love my wife," He stopped realizing he had misspoken, "my ex-wife. I always will. She gave me my daughter, the best thing that has ever happened to me. When I first held Zara in my hands, I had never held something so innocent, so pure. I thank God every day for bringing my beautiful Zara into the world." He sighed before continuing, "When Zara turned seven that's when I realized we weren't in love anymore." Nick paused again, "We had lost the spark, we were just two people that lived in a house and shared a child. That's all we shared, we didn't have the connection. The connection that you and I have." Nick lifted Olivia's head from his chest wiping away her tears, "Olivia I love you."

In that moment Olivia's heart stopped, Nick had finally told her what she desperately wanted to hear, what she had come over to tell him.

"Nick, I love you too."

A/N: I know I didn't include the confrontation between Cassidy and Nick, I'm saving that for the next chapter. Please read and review! (:


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Apologizes again, please read and review xx

**Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just love writing about them**

Against Olivia's advice, Nick decided to go to work. He should have listened to Olivia and taken the day off, but Nick was stubborn. He didn't want to push Cragen's buttons any more than he already had, so in fear of upsetting him he went to work. Desk duty was not something Nick enjoyed. It wasn't long after Nick entered the precinct that his eye's found Brian's. He had only hoped that Brain's anger would have calmed down. It had been a week following Olivia's confession. Nick was wrong; in that time the pain and hurt that Brian felt had vanished, all that was left was anger. Lots of it.

"You fucking asshole." Brian said, enunciating every word. He ran up to Nick and punched him in the face. Nick attempted to stop his blows, but they were too quick. The initial punch left Nick winded, the second one made him fall to the floor. Before Brian could get another hit in, Fin was on him in seconds holding him back. Nick took advantage of that moment and got up from the floor, wiping away the blood from his nose.

"I didn't give her anything she didn't want." Nick said challenging him. "You're never home, what did you expect?" Nick spat at him.

"You really are pathetic." Without a struggle Brian got from Fin's grasp. He wanted to get one more hit in, but Cragen's voice stopped him.

"Cassidy, in my office, now. Amaro go home." Cragen voice was firm, he didn't shout. Yelling wasn't necessary. The depth in his voice was enough of a warning for the two detectives. Nick was already on thin ice and Brian was just pushing his luck. Cragen didn't want him around the precinct any more than the other detectives.

Nick obeyed Cragen's orders and left the precinct. His blood boiled with rage. He didn't know where to go; he didn't want Olivia to see him like this. So heavy with fury. He realized the best thing for him to do was to drive around for a while and calm himself down.

Brian angrily entered Cragen's office. Cragen followed behind the detective, slamming the door behind the two of them.

"What you did out there is unacceptable. Any animosity between you and Amaro needs to be handled outside of my precinct."

"Do you know what he did?" Brian asked. Clearly Cragen was unaware of Olivia's infidelity. He didn't know exactly what happened between Nick and Brian, but by the words the two detectives threw at each other he figured it had something to do with Olivia.

"No. And I don't care to know. Take a couple of days off. That's an order." He said, as Brian walked out of his office.

Olivia Benson awoke to the sound of her door handle opening. Her heart began to race, she grabbed her gun from her nightstand and carefully walked downstairs. She already had her gun pointed forward, ready to shot whoever was coming through her front door.

"Liv," Nick said using the spare key Olivia had given him to open the door.

"How many times do I have to tell you; only for emergencies." Liv said with a sigh. She closed the door behind Nick and carefully placed her gun on the table.

"I got sent home." Nick said dryly. "We got into it." Nick raised an eyebrow and pointed at his swollen nose.

"I'm sorry." Olivia said empathetically, lightly kissing his bruise. "Please tell me you got a hit in." Olivia said jokingly. Nick rolled his eyes, not finding humor in Olivia's attempt to make light of the situation at hand.

"Olivia now is not the time for jokes." Nick said, annoyance lacing his voice.

"I'm sorry." She said again. Olivia didn't really know what else to say. It was her fault entirely that Brian had lashed out on Nick. If she had just been honest about her feelings for Nick, instead of cheating all of this could have been avoided. "Listen," Olivia began. She was quickly interrupted by the ringing of Nick's phone.

"Amaro." Nick said firmly. "Yeah she's with me... I'll give her the message." Nick sighed before hanging up the phone. Olivia's eyes peered up at him as she wondered who had called him asking for her. "It was Amanda," Nick said answering Olivia's unasked question, "She wants you to come over as soon as possible. She said she tried you're number a bunch of times, but you didn't answer."

"I was sleeping." Olivia said blankly, "You always keep me up at night with your snoring." Nick smiled playfully at her.

"Is that all I keep you up with?" Nick asked with a smirk. Olivia blushed at the sound of his words. She lightly kissed him again.

"You're so cute." Olivia looked up at him, her eyes searching his. She loved to look in his eyes; she could lose herself in them. When her eyes found his she would become so transfixed that she would forget all her troubles, everything with Lewis, everything with Brian. It wouldn't matter, his eyes told her that she was his and that's all that mattered. "I'm going to head over to Amanda's and see what she wants. Make sure you ice this." Olivia said pointing at his nose. She grabbed her coat and keys and made her way out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

Amanda looked at the white pregnancy test her legs growing weaker as the thought of being pregnant fell over her. The little plus sign staring back at her, taunting her. She couldn't believe it; the test had to be wrong. Amanda held in the tears as she grabbed another one out of a plastic bag. She quickly peed on the stick. Amanda paced back and forth waiting for the results to show and when they finally did her heart broke a little more. The tears came this time. It was the third test she had tried. The plus sign wasn't just a plus sign, it was a life. A life she was surprised she hadn't killed with all the recent drinking and smoking she had been doing. The knock on the door stole Amanda from her thoughts. She eagerly opened the door, already knowing who it was.

"Liv," She said breathlessly while ushering her inside.

Olivia awkwardly sat herself on Amanda's couch. She wasn't too familiar with Amanda's home or Amanda in general. They were acquaintances, not friends. The fact that they were even together about something completely unrelated to work was unusual.

Amanda shot Olivia an uncomfortable look before speaking.

"I know where not the best of friends but I need your help with something."

"Anything." Olivia replied sincerely. Amanda took Olivia's honest words as an opportunity to reveal why she had invited the detective over. She walked into the bathroom, coming back with a bag full of pregnancy tests.

"I think I'm pregnant." Amanda said quietly while taking a seat on the couch beside Olivia. Olivia's eyes fell on the bag of pregnancy tests, there were at least five left. Olivia looked at the tests skeptically, "I'm pretty sure there all defective, but I just want to be sure."

Olivia wanted to laugh at Amanda's absurdity; of course all those test couldn't be defective. She held in a chuckle, grabbed a pregnancy test and headed for the bathroom. She peed on the stick and let her mind wonder as she waited for the results to show.

The ideal of Olivia being pregnant was ridiculous. She was forty-six, her time to have children had long passed. She had only had unprotected sex once with Brian, purely out of curiosity. She had never done it before. Feeling the warmth and wetness of Brian inside of her, as he pounded into her made her wonder why she waited so long to try it out.

Understanding Amanda's ulterior motive, Olivia wasn't mad at her. Although she had faithfully practiced safe sex since she became sexually active, she did have a few pregnancy scares. About two in college. Olivia let her mind reminisce on her college days. She didn't like to be reminded of that time in her life. She had been a completely different person. Having to live with her mother's abuse and aching for a father figure it was easy for her to find comfort in the arms of older men. Older, married men. Men with families. It was embarrassing. In all actuality Olivia Benson was without a doubt a complete slut throughout college.

Olivia thoughts ran for so long she completely forgot what she was waiting for. And then it dawned on her. She was waiting for the test results of a pregnancy test Amanda had asked her to take.

Olivia sat up from the toilet seat grabbing the pregnancy test from the bathroom sink she had placed it on.

Olivia gawked at the test in awe. The two pink lines looking back up at her. Olivia refused to believe it. She shook her head in disbelief.

"Liv," Amanda said through the door, "you finished?"

Amanda's words stole Olivia from the mental coma she had put herself in. Olivia opened the bathroom door, ignoring Amanda's question.

"I hope for our sake these test are wrong." Olivia said dryly before walking out the front door.

Olivia called Nick on her way home from Amanda's. The news was something that could only be said in person not over the phone. As Olivia drove her thoughts began to fill with the news she had just received. Knowing a baby was inside of her. Brian's baby. She hated herself; she had been drinking so much lately. The stress of the trial, the stress of her job. It had all become too much for her. Her only release being found at the bottom of a bottle. Olivia knew what she had to do. Her desire to have children was unfathomable. She always wanted someone to love unconditionally. But she couldn't have Brian's child.

Olivia pulled into her driveway, surprised to see Nick sitting on her porch steps. He smiled up at her as she made her way towards him.

"Hi." Nick said his smile widening.

Though the drive had calmed Olivia down somewhat. Thirty minutes hadn't been quite enough time to grasp the concept that there was a baby growing inside of her.

Olivia simply smiled back at Nick and entered herself into her home. A home she and Brian had built together. A home she had destroyed with her infidelity. A home she had tainted and ruined with her lust of another man. A home in which she'd have to confess to Nick that she had no intention of keeping this baby, Brian's baby.

"Olivia." Nick said, stealing Olivia from her thoughts. "What's wrong?"

A simple question, with an incredibly difficult answer. An answer Olivia really didn't want to give.

As soon as the words left Nick's lips Olivia realized just how much she missed her old partner. Elliot Stabler wouldn't have asked. He would have sensed something was wrong, but knowing Olivia as well as he did he wouldn't have asked. Not because he didn't care, but because he knew Olivia would open up and reveal herself on her own time, when she was ready.

Nick didn't know that. And after a long silence, he realized Olivia had gotten lost in her thoughts again, so he lightly grabbed her arm pulling her into him, as if to pull her from her thoughts and bring her back to reality.

"Liv." Nick said his voice softer. "Talk to me."

Olivia pulled away from Nick, taking a deep breath before she spoke.

"I'm pregnant." She paused long enough to give Nick time to react the news. "Don't worry, it's not yours, and I'm going to take care of it." Olivia quickly turned away from Nick. It was only five and she figured if she didn't get take care of it right away she never would. "I'm going to see if I can schedule an appointment for tomorrow." She sighed again, "I thought you should know."

Nick scoffed at her.

"_I _should know. What about Brian? He has a right to know, he's the father." Olivia shot him a puzzled look as she dug around in her purse looking for her phone.

"I'm not going to have his baby. Not when I'm in love with someone else."

"Liv, this is fucked up." Nick's blood began to boil at the thought of just how senseless Olivia was being. "Stop." Nick said, grabbing Olivia's purse from her. He looked up at Olivia. If he looked deep enough in her eyes he could faintly see the tears that were building up inside of them. "I won't support you in this."

"I can't have his baby." Olivia said her voice breaking. "I can't. Do you know how hard it'll be, not just for me, but this kid? This baby needs a family. I can't give it that." Olivia said dryly.

"Olivia, I want you to tell Brian. I want you to not make an appointment to terminate this pregnancy. I want you to know that I love you. And I want you to know that together, me and you. We'll be all the family this baby needs."


End file.
